It's Not Over Yet
by basketballsuzie
Summary: This is a Derek Addison story, he just needs to realize what he's going to lose before it's too late. 1 new chapter. Enjoy, and let me hear your thoughts.
1. Why We're Here

Derek stopped outside the trailer still reeling from what Addison and what yelled at him earlier and what had happened later at the prom. She was mad, and had brought up everything that had happened in the last few months. But he couldn't blame her for being mad, he was mad at himself for the fact that she was right, and the fact that he had just slept with Meredith. Here she was trying to make things work, and he couldn't seem to make himself care, he had done exactly what she had, he was a cheater.

He knew that she had given up a lot by coming here and trying to make things work, why couldn't that be enough he wondered, as he opened the door to walk in.

She was sitting on their bed cross-legged flipping through an album when he saw her. She had already gotten out of her prom dress and was uncharacteristically casual in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Hey," Derek said. Addison didn't even look up. He knew that he had hurt her yet again tonight; she had seen the look passed between Meredith and him before Meredith had chosen to go with Finn. Addison his wife, the woman that he had made glow almost six hours earlier when he asked her to go to the prom was halfway down the hallway when she turned around to see if Derek was coming, unfortunately for her he was standing there looking at Meredith walking away with Finn.

It was about that time that Derek heard the door to the stairs slam against the wall and he ralized that Addison had seen him, and Meredith, and the look passed between the two. He wondered if she would even be home when he got there since they were on seperate cars.

Derek had even raced after her, but all he had seen was her black BMW speeding out of the parking lot.

"Addison," he said. This time she did look up at him, but with a look on her face that he had never seen before.

"What do you want Derek," she asked him coolly.

"We need to talk."

"Oh so you want to talk now, is that it? I tried to talk to you last night but you blew me off, only when I screamed at you in fornt of everybody did you finally hear me, and then all you did was turn and walk way. But your good at that aren't you,"she hollered.

"Addison wa….," he tried to say. But she cut him off.

"And then when I tried to talk to you later, you run and hide. Oh yeah, I knew what you were doing. But now your ready to talk, so we're finally going to get some stuff said. We're finishing this fight once and for all tonight Derek." Then Addison shut the photo album and sat it beside her on the bed.

"Do you know what I've been doing for the last hour Derek?" she asked.He shook his head no. "I've been looking through our old photos, looking at the happier times. I've went through about five, and looked at our Christmas's, Anniversary's, Vacation's and even our old wedding photos, trying to find that last time you looked at me, like you looked at her tonight, Derek. And you know what I realized, it's been a whole hell of a long time."

"Addison, I don't know what you want me to say."

"Nothing, I guess there's nothing you can say. I don't know why you didn't go on and sign the divorce papers when you had the chance. It's not like you really wanted to make things work anyway. It's like what you told Mark, I'm an obligation."

"Jesus Addison, can you make it through a conversation without throwing Mark's name into it," he asked, and then he wished he hadn't said that at all.

"Oh yes Derek, let's bring Mark into this and finally get this out of the way too. You seem to think that he was the casue of our problems, what you don't seem to remember is that you had left me long before I ever slept with Mark."

"I beg your pardon, but I wasn't the one who had an affair!" Derek shot back.

"In reality no you didn't, but you weren't there and you hadn't been in months. We did get busy Derek, and we didn't take time for each other, and you didn't take the time to remember important dates, like our last anniversary," she screamed. "And apparently I was nothing but an obligation then too, because if I wasn't maybe you'd have done a little more than walk out the door. Maybe you'd have hit Mark, or even slapped me, screamed, hollered, done something!" By this point tears were starting to stream down Addison's face.

"You don't think I cared! Damn it Addison, if I would have had a gun in my hand I would have probably used it," he screamed at her, but then Derek got quiet and said, " he was supposed to be my best friend, and you, you were my wife. We took vows, and they certainly didn't stop you that night now did they. But you know what, be glad I chose to walk out the door, because the hurt and rage that was flowing threw me at the moment, I would have probably hurt you both."

That seemed to quiet things down for a few moments, but then Addison spoke again, almost a whisper this time.

"Derek, what brought us to this point. We were so happy, we were the envy of all of our coworkers, the couple so in love."

Derek moved over to the bed and sat down beside her. He knew what brought them to where they were, but it still hurt to much to talk about.


	2. Derek Finally Gets It

Maybe this isn't too bad. Hope ya'll like it, and I'm trying to make it better.

"We were so happy until….," Addison said, she gave a faint smile and started to cry more.

"I don't want to talk about it Addison." He said as he got up and moved to the refrigerator.

"Derek you never wanted to talk about it, that was the problem. We lost everything that day Derek, and I know you blamed me for it, I blamed myself. And you know what I still blame myself, but I have come to realize that it was an accident."

"Addison please, I can't do this right now," Derek said, walking back towards her, a tear slipping down his cheek.

" I'm sorry Derek, for everything, but we have to do this. She was our child, and she died, and if I would have been watching the road better I would have seen the guy run the red light, but I wasn't, I was talking to Hadley, about you Derek. She was so excited about what we were going to buy you for your birthday. Some present huh." Tears were flowing down her face as she finished.

Derek walked back over to the bed and sat down. He reached over and took Addison's hand, and looked her in the eyes.

"Addison, I didn't blame you, and I know it was an accident, but I couldn't talk to you about it because every time I looked at you, I could see her. Every time I walked into our home I could hear Hadley laugh, or even cry, I could see her in every room and I couldn't stand the fact that I had just lost my baby, my three year old little girl. So I stayed at work, and you did too. We buried ourselves in our work so we wouldn't think about the pain."

"But I needed you Derek, I lost my baby too. The little girl that I carried for 9 months, that I rocked to sleep, that I took shopping and god did she love it. I needed you and then one day, Mark was there, and things happened, and then you walked in. The first and only time I ever cheated on you Derek, and you walked in."

"Addi, I need to tell you something."

"Can this wait till in the morning, Derek. All of a sudden I'm really tired and I think I'm going to go to bed. So let's finish this then, okay?" She asked him. She couldn't handle anymore realizations tonight.

"Yeah you go onto bed, and I think that I'm going to take a walk. I'll be back in a little while."

Derek walked out of the trailer and started down one of the trails. How was he going to tell his wife that HE had just cheated on her. Especially after what they had just talked about. She was right though. He hadn't been around before slept with Mark. He died the day Hadley died. He never talked about her to anyone; not even Addison. He knew that she had blamed herself but he was so caught up in his own grief, he just let it slide. He started working later, going in earlier. Looking back he was surprised she hadn't cheated on him sooner, but then the night that he came home to find Mark's jacket laying in the hallway, he could have killed them both. It amazed him how he could have been so absent, and yet still so mad when he saw them.

He then started to think about his daughter. She was such a precious little girl, with dark red hair, and blue eyes. She was tall too, at least for her age anyway. Hadley was three years old, to young to die, to young to leave him and Addison alone. She was the best thing that had ever happened to them, and then the worst thing happened to her.

And then Derek started to think about Meredith. She was a good distraction for him from everything that had happened in his life. He had told Addison the truth when he said that he had fallen for Meredith, he saw the pain in her eyes when he said it too. But he didn't really care, he was bitter, for the loss of their daughter, for the loss of their marriage. He did choose Addison and then he called her Satan and made snide comments to her, and yet here she was. She hadn't given up yet, so why was he still thinking about Meredith.

He asked her tonight where things stood between them, and then he watched her pick Finn, thus answering his question. Derek stopped walking, and sat down in the grass, where he started to cry, for everything he had lost, and what he still might lose. And at that moment he realized he wasn't in love with Meredith, he was in love with the thought of Meredith. She was the anti-Addison. He had no real past with her, he used her to block the memories of things he couldn't face.


	3. Memories of the Past

Addison lay in there bed staring at the ceiling. She had a thought as to what Derek wanted to tell her. She had seen the look passed between him and Meredith at the end of the prom. And the truth hit her like earlier, when she has asked Meredith what was going on between her and Derek and she had said she was involved with the vet at which point Addison had realized that Derek was jealous; tonight she knew where he had been, when he had said that he went to check on a patient. And then the way that he was acting after he came back to her, she knew what he had done, and who he had done it with.

I'm through repaying my debt to society, and to Derek she thought.

Then Addison started to reminisce over the happier times. The day they got married, the vacations that they would take, even the small things like holding hands in the hospital, or kissing in the elevators. And then there was the day that she had found out that she was pregnant. She remembered it like yesterday; she had woke up and had tried to get out of bed, but had gotten so dizzy she had barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up.

It didn't take her but a few minutes to diagnose herself, but she wanted to be sure before she told Derek. It was her rare day off, but Addison headed into the hospital anyway. She was careful to avoid anywhere that Derek might be, and headed to a close friend of hers, who happened to be one of the best OB/GYN's in the hospital. A quick blood test confirmed what Addison already suspected, she was so excited that she couldn't wait till later to tell Derek, so she had set off to find him.

And she had found him; he was in the middle of a surgery, so she watched from the gallery. She could see the surprise in his eyes when he first noticed her sitting there, because she tended to avoid the hospital like the plague on her days off. She was waiting out in the hallway when he had finished scrubbing out.

"_Hey babe, what are you doing here?" he had asked, giving her quick kiss as they started to walk towards the attending locker room . "Well, I got sick this morning and," Addison tried to finish but Derek cut her off. "Sick, why didn't you call me?" Derek questioned. "What would you have done Derek, held my hair while I threw up?" Addison shot back. Derek grabbed her arm to stop her from walking, "Addison, what's up, you never throw up, even when you're completely drunk." By now Derek was starting to get worried, but then Addison started to smile at him and said, "I threw up, because I'm pregnant, Dad." Then Derek had hugged her, and said, "I'm going to be a dad. How did this happen? I mean I know how it happened but, wow!" He then picked her up and spun her around a time or two, the whole time grinning from ear to ear. _

The whole time she was pregnant, Derek had been so attentive, he hadn't even wanted her to take the groceries out of her car, for fear that they would be too heavy. Addison finally had to sit him down and tell him that she was pregnant, not helpless, and she hoped he would be that attentive when they're daughter was born. That started a huge controversy because the whole time during her pregnancy Derek told her she was having a boy, which she simply would not accept. "I am having a girl," she had told him, "because I need somebody to go shopping with me since my dear, devoted husband won't."

Derek had then almost missed the birth of their daughter because of a surgery. Addison had paged him for almost and hour before he had finally called her. "Hey Derek, what ARE you doing?" she had snapped at him. "I just got out of surgery, why, are you alright?" he questioned. "Well, I'm not going to be in another few minutes, because you will have missed the birth of your child, and then I will kill you, so why don't you hightail it up here NOW!" Derek was already running up the stairs when Addison hung up on him. Around 15 minutes later, their daughter, Hadley Montgomery Shepherd, was born. Addison had never seen Derek look so happy, especially as he did when he walked up and down the halls of the hospital showing off his little girl.

Addison drifted off to sleep still thinking about her daughter. She would deal with everything else tomorrow, but tonight she was picturing Hadley's first words, her first steps, and the first time she had taken her shopping and how all of the sales people commented on what a beautiful baby she was.


	4. Too Late Now

**Okay so I know this update is along time coming, I just couldn't come up with anything other than anger after the finale. It's hard to write for Derek when he's a McJerk. Anyway, all hope is not lost! YET!**

It was after 2am when Derek finally started to make his way back to the trailer. He knew Addison would be long asleep, which was fine with him. He wasn't ready to talk to her yet. He hadn't quiet figured out exactly how to tell her what he had done, even though he had a hunch that she might already know, or at least suspect something. Derek had never been good at hiding things from her; she was always able to read him like a book.

He had just sat there, in the grass for a while tonight, after he had shed his tears, thinking back over the last year; how one day could change everything. In one second his life as he knew it had ended; the day he got a call from the ER telling him Addison and Hadley had been in an accident. He knew before he ever got there what was going to be waiting for him, he could feel it. Derek had barely reached Addison to ask her what happened, when the Doctor had came out of the trauma room with a look on his face that told the story before he even said a word.

Derek opened the door to the trailer and stepped inside just long enough to make sure that Addison was asleep; she was and he said a quick thanks to no one in particular. He wasn't ready for the confrontation that he knew was coming.

Sitting there tonight he had realized what an ass he had been, how he had constantly tortured Addison since she had showed up, and how he had used Meredith as a way to keep himself from getting hurt again; the whole time stringing along two women

He walked back outside and sat down in one of the chairs. He wished he could take back what had happened at the prom with Meredith, because Addison would leave him for sure. She had already stuck around and taken more than her share from him, she wouldn't stick around any longer, not after this. But then again, it took tonight for Derek to realize that Meredith was nothing more than an infatuation.

He was still thinking about what he was going to do, and how he was going to make this right, when he drifted off to sleep.

Addison awoke the next morning to find herself alone in their bed. "Well, I guess after last night he decided to go be with Meredith" she thought. She got out of the bed and kneeled down beside it, reaching under and pulling out her Louie Vitton suitcase. She then walked over to the small closet and started getting her things ready to pack up. She was fixing to be out of the tin can once and for all.

Addison glanced around the trailer, looking for a note or something to tell her where her soon to be ex was. "The bastard could show a small amount of consideration and at least tell her he was leaving." she thought. "After eleven years of marriage you'd think he could do a little more than leave, but then again he is great at running away."

She was tired of Seattle, tired of everyone looking at her like she had destroyed their Meredith, and tired of Derek treating her like shit.

Addison quickly changed into the jeans and shirt she had on the night before, brushed her hair and then pulled it back with a baseball cap. Today she didn't care.

It was as she was in the process of filling up the rest of her suitcase with her shoes that she heard the door to the trailer open, and a disheveled Derek stepped in. He took one look at her, and the suitcase and said, "Addison wait. Let's not rush to anything here."

"Derek I've thought about this, there's no use in pretending anymore, it's over. And you need a shower you look like hell." There was only sarcasm in her voice.

"Addy we can fix this, you don't have to leave, I know I've been an ass but please," he pleaded with her.

"Well I thought we were fixing this, until you screwed your little intern last night, now I'm done. You can have her, you can even throw a party celebrating the fact that you finally managed to run off Satan.."

"Addison please, I'm begging you, I'm so sorry about last night. You have no idea how I bad I feel about what I did to you, but I needed last night to realize how much I love you, and that I want you in my life forever."

"You needed last night to realize how much you loved me, what Derek it took her walking away to make you think, hey I don't have to be alone, I'll just go back to Addison! That isn't happening any time soon babe. Not ever! Derek not only did you cheat on me, but you did it where we work, with somebody that I have to work with, and you no what, it's probably all over the hospital by now considering all gossip spreads like wildfire there. So how in the hell do you think I can work there now, seeing Meredith everyday? It was hard enough the first time, but now? Not to mention the fact that the one time I cheated on you I paid for it ten times over, so no I'm sorry for what I did is going to get you off the hook." She screamed at him. And with that Addison zipped up her suitcase and started for the door.

"Please, let's talk, Ad," he begged her. "I'm done talking Derek, now move out of my way." He obediently stepped out of her way as she made her way out of the trailer and to her car. She popped her trunk and put her suitcase in, the whole while Derek was still begging her to stay.

"Addison I know I made a mistake, but if you'll give me another chance I swear to god I'll make it up to you. I love you, I always have and I always will. Come on mow, lets talk about this."

"Derek, I have loved you for so long, and I have cried too many tears over you the last year. I didn't just lose my daughter, I lost you too. But after what's happened, the stuff you've put me through, the pain you've caused me, I'd be more of a fool to stay longer than I already have. So just as soon as I finish up with my patients today, I'm going back to New York. That's where my family is, where my home is, and where my child is buried. Goodbye Derek." And with that Addison leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips.

She then got into her car, and pulled away, leaving him speechless and crying. He stood there watching her taillights, hoping against all hope that she would stop and turn around, but she didn't, she didn't even tap her brakes. She just kept going. How was he ever going to get her back now?


	5. Addison and the Chief

**My class this summer takes up so much time, plus my job, I never have a chance to just write, but things are slowing down so maybe I'll do better. Hope ya'll enjoy the update. By the way, ADDEK forever!**

Addison had waited so long to hear him say that he loved her. Why did he have to do it now? Why did he have to sleep with Meredith in the first place? It wasn't like she was absent, unlike him, when she had slept with his best friend. The tears continued to slide down her face, as she recalled the pleading look he had given her when she was getting into her car, and the way he had stood there, in her rearview mirror watching her drive away.

He had said he needed last night to realize that he rally loved her. What the hell? It seemed the only thing he was capable of giving her lately was more heartache.

She wanted to believe he meant the words that he was saying to her, like she had wanted to believe him when he said he would try, and look what that had gotten her.

Addison pulled her car into her parking space at the hospital, and flipped down her mirror. "God I look like shit," she said, "How could I off all people leave my house with no makeup on?" She reached into the back seat where she had tossed a small bag, and grabbed it and her purse. She would at least put on her face before she saw her patients, they were already in enough pain, no point in having to see her at anything but her best.

Addison made her way to the doors of Seattle Grace hospital, and stopped before entering. She took a deep breath and said to herself, "You can do this, you're Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, and you are Satan incarnate."

She made her way up through the lobby without anyone noticing her, it wasn't hard. Nobody was expecting to see the "She-Shepherd" in jeans a long sleeved t-shirt and a baseball cap. Addison headed straight for the chiefs office, might as well get this over with first, she thought.

The chief's door was open, and she knocked on the door frame as she entered, and then shut the door.

"Addison, are you okay, you like awful."

"Thanks a lot Richard, but I need to talk to you about something." She replied. "I, well, I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to work here, and I've enjoyed working here for the most part, but I have to go back to New York."

"I don't understand Addison. What about Derek, is he planning on leaving too? Besides you're under contract, this hospital has invested a lot of money in you, the both of you."

"Chief, what I told you yesterday, about everyone knowing Derek loves Meredith, except Derek and Meredith; well I guess they finally know. Last night at the prom, Derek slept with her, I confronted him about it this morning and he admitted to it, I just can't go on like this. We take a step forward just to take three back, and I'm tired. I'm tired of competing for my husband's affection." A tear escaped out of the corner of Addison's eye as she said this. "So please Richard, you're like a father to me, please understand that I can't stay here, not with him and certainly not with her. I had a life in New York, it'll certainly be a lot different now that I'm single again, but I need to go, and to move on. So please let me out of this contract, please."

"Addison, why don't you just take a vacation, takes a few weeks to work some things out. There's no point in rushing to anything here. I can give you two weeks paid vacation, since you haven't been here that long, that's the best that I can do, but your making a life here, Addison. You're making friends; don't give all of that up because of Derek's stupid mistake." The chief said.

"Chief, I don't think two weeks is going to cut it, and it's not a sudden decision. I never planned to stay here this long anyway; it was just one of life's wicked curve balls that kept me here this long. And as far as friends, they call me Satan, Richard. And the money, I promise you I'm not hurting for it, and besides I could always pawn this lovely ring," Addison said as she raised up her left hand, showing off her wedding ring.

"Addison, come on now, I was there when Derek put that ring on your finger, while you two might be going your separate ways, you can't just pawn that ring, or your memories." The chief's voice was soft as he spoke to her. "While I would love to just let you out of your contract, I can't, not right now anyway, but I'll tell you what. Take your two weeks, rest, relax, go visit your friends and family in New York, then comeback, give me another two weeks at the most, and I will do my best to get you out of here. That will give me plenty of time to talk to the hospital lawyers, and board, and then we will accept your resignation. It's kind of prolonging things, I know, but it's the best I can do."

Addison nodded her head in agreement, and then the chief went on, "I'm so sorry about everything. It's hard to lose someone you love. And when it hits Derek, what he's lost, it will ruin him. Like I said earlier, I was there that day Addison, I saw the way he looked at you then, and how he looked at you back in New York. Ya'll were meant to be, and I still believe that. And if Derek is too blind to see that then he is stupid."

Addison then headed to the locker room where she changed into a pair of scrubs, and put on her makeup. No use scaring these poor sick people, she thought. Then as if nothing was wrong she walked out into the hall of the hospital to face the day, as confident as always, showing no fear.

Derek had stood there watching the road long after the dust had settled back down. He kept hoping that Addison would realized he meant what he said and he did love her, and would decide to come back to him. When it finally hit him that it was hopeless, she wasn't coming back; he made his way back into the trailer and looked around. He could see her everywhere. She was in the kitchen, she was sitting in their bed reading, and she was in the bathroom hollering about a trout in the house.

God he was a bastard, it had taken all of this for him to realize it. Why couldn't he see things clearly earlier, why had it take this long for him to see how much he was hurting the most important person in his life.

Unfortunately for Derek, he couldn't sit and ponder the question for long because he had to be at work in an hour. He was going to have to face everyone there, and Addison had been right, the gossip of last night's events had probably been spread all over the hospital by now.


	6. Addison Vs Meredith: Round 1

**Okay, so this is my dream chapter. I just wanted one where Addison gets to tell Meredith off! Hope you enjoy!**

Addison had already made her rounds, checking on all of her patients and newborns and was stopped at the nurse's station to drop off a chart when out of the corner of her eye she saw none other that Dr. Meredith Grey. She turned to face her, but apparently Meredith saw her at the same time and tried to duck around the corner. Addison quickly said excuse me to the charge nurse and took after her, she was sure this was going to give everyone even more to gossip about but she didn't really care anymore, she was fixing to go on vacation, and then she would finally be out of this hell hole.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Grey," Addison called out. She caught up to her just as the doors of the elevator were fixing to shut; Addison quickly stepped in.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," replied Meredith.

"Cut the shit, Grey, I know your trying to avoid me, and I guess you have reason too, considering it's hard to face someone after you just screwed their husband." Addison reached over and hit the stop button on the elevator. She then went on, "I have some things I'd like to say, things I've been wanting to say, but hadn't. Mostly because I had been giving you the benefit of the doubt, you know, the whole she didn't know he was married have pity on her cause McDreamy broke her heart. Well, now I just don't give a damn."

Meredith just gave her the deer in the headlights look as she went on.

"I can honesty say that the first night I was in town and saw you two together at the hospital, it felt good to introduce myself like that, mainly because I knew Derek well enough to know that he wouldn't have told you he was married, that he wouldn't have told you anything that happened in New York because he was trying to forget. It wasn't just I cheated on him, it was we lost our child. That's right, OUR daughter died, that was the beginning of the end. He never mentioned her did he?"

"She was a beautiful little girl, and she was too young to die, she was killed in a car accident and neither one of us handled it well. So you think your life is bad, it dulls in comparison honey. Derek picked me Meredith, but you wouldn't let him be, I mean I know that he sought you out too, but you walked around this hospital like a damn zombie with the saddest look ever. Of course he was going to check on you, he felt responsible for you. And I know that he's not innocent in all of this, it takes two to tango, but you didn't make it easy to let you go."

"I actually tried to be your friend, not that I really wanted to, but I did it for Derek, and what do I get in return, you screw my husband. And for all the times you judged me, because I cheated on Mcdreamy, you are just as bad as I am, actually worse. Because I cheated once, and it wasn't a planned thing, but you, you kept on hoping, not letting him fully go. Well Meredith I'll tell you something, you can have his sorry ass now because I don't want him anymore. And he has his faults, you just can't see them since you look at him through rose colored glasses, but he will eventually let you down."

With that, Addison reached over and started the elevator again, pushing the closest floor to get off on.

As the doors opened, Addison went to step out; she then turned back as she heard Meredith say, "I'm truly sorry Dr. Shepherd."

Addison replied very simply, "Tell someone who cares."


	7. Homeward Bound

**Thanks for the reviews, after the last chapter, everything just pales in comparison. Hope ya'll like this one, I swear this story is going somewhere, I just don't know where that is yet. **

Addison walked into her office, almost in shock. "I cannot believe I just did that," she thought, "Well it was along time coming, and I did contain myself longer than I should have." She sank into her chair, glad to be alone. She had checked on all of her patients, and had informed them that something urgent had come up and that she would be out of town for a while. She wasn't technically lying to them, but it would have been way too much information to tell them she was leaving town to escape her husband and his mistress. That would have caused some jaws to drop for sure.

She glanced around her office, with her gaze landing on the picture that sat in the left corner of her desk. It was a picture of her in Derek on vacation. He had his arm lovingly draped around her shoulders; you could see the mountains in the background. It was one of Addison's favorite pictures of them. She reached over and flipped the picture face down on her desk. No use having it mock her as she finished up her work.

"I need to get out of here before Derek decides to hunt me down," she thought. Addison quickly transferred all of her patients to another doctor, who did nothing but float from hospital to hospital filling in; he would be arriving the next day, she wasn't worried about her patients, they would be in good hands.

There was only on thing she needed now; she opened up the bottom drawer of her desk, and removed a picture that she kept hidden from the world. It was a picture of Derek, and herself, holding Hadley. It was taken on her second birthday. "We were so happy, why did this have to happen," she sadly said to herself as a tear escaped. She brushed it away willing herself not to cry, again.

Addison placed the picture in her bag, and headed back to Richard's office to tell him she was leaving.

Derek had barely been at the hospital ten minutes when he had to do an emergency surgery on a teenage boy; he had suddenly went blind and it was discovered that he had a small tumor that was pushing against his occipital nerve. If it stayed any longer it could cause permanent damage. The surgery took several hours; Derek found himself occasionally looking up in the gallery to see if maybe, just maybe, Addison would accept his apology, and come to watch him.

In all the years of marriage, whenever he did something wrong, he would always know when he had been forgive, because he would glance up, and there she'd be, watching him. She would nod in acknowledgment and then smile at him.

"Dr. Bailey!"

Miranda Bailey turned around to see Addison shepherd hurrying towards her.

"I'm glad I was able to find you before I have to catch my flight." Stated the tall red-head.

"You're what?" asked Dr. Bailey.

"I'm leaving, well let me restate that, Richard want let me straight out leave, so I'm taking a two week vacation to give him to talk to the board, and then I'll come back and work out a two weeks notice. Then I'm gone."

The Nazi gave Addison her famous stare, "this is because of your good-for-nothing husband of yours isn't it?"

"Yeah, well I'm sure you've heard the latest hospital gossip"

This time Dr. Bailey softened her demeanor and said, "Actually, the only thing remotely interesting I've heard, besides the Stevens and Denny situation, is the fact that you told off Meredith Grey in the elevator. Now I try not to listen to my suck-ups but that one piqued my interest. I think all of the nurses are speculating what it was about though."

"You mean the whole story hasn't spread like wildfire over the hospital yet?" asked Addison, shocked.

"No, what is going on, why are you really leaving?"

"Well one of your suck-ups screwed my husband last night. Derek even admitted to it." There was a pained look on Addison's face as she said this.

"Addison, I'm so sorry, I can't believe that moron. So are you going to go back to New York?"

"Yeah, for now anyway, I just need to get away for a while, and process some things. It's just I've been holding on to something for so long that isn't there anymore. And there is absolutely no reason why I should continue to watch my husband long after another woman."

Addison continues on, "Miranda, I just wanted to thank you for everything, and I guess I'll see you in a few weeks. On and if you see Derek, and he asks where I'm at, tell him I've already left, please." "Now I just have to go find Richard and let him no I'm officially on my vacation."

"Good luck, Addison, I really am sorry."

Derek finished up his surgery, and decided to swing by Addison's office. He was hoping he could catch her before she left. He had to make her understand, to beg her forgiveness; he'd get on his knees if he had too.

He hopped in the elevator and took it up to the 8th floor, where Addison's office was located. He noticed her light wasn't on, but that didn't mean that she wasn't in there.

He knocked on the door, heard no answer, and turned the handle. There was a receptionist at the end of the hall, so most of the doctors on this floor tended to leave their offices unlocked during the day, and a security guard would lock them all up at night. Derek walked in and glanced around the room. He could still smell the faint scent of her perfume. Derek moved to the other side of her desk and sat down, that was when he noticed the picture laying facedown on her desk. He picked it up and stared at it for a few moments. How could he have done such a thing, he wondered. The couple in the picture was so in love; that man never called his wife Satan, he never thought twice about another woman. When did I go from being that man, to who I am now, thought Derek?

With that thought he stood up to go in search of his wife.

"Richard, you are a hard man to find," said Addison as she walked up to him in the cafeteria. "I just wanted to let you know, I've had all of my patients due in the next two weeks transferred to Dr. Sanford, I've also made rounds and informed my patients that I had an urgent situation come up, and I would be out of town."

The chief gave her a look, as he heard the last part, "Well it is urgent Richard, I leave now, or I'll leave in handcuffs for a double homicide. Personally I'd prefer the latter, but I don't think it would help my reputation any."

"Addison, have you seen Derek since you've been here today?"

"No I haven't, and I know he's going to try to find me, he was begging me this morning not to leave, saying that he loves me, but I can not take this anymore."

"Maybe he's realized what a fool he's been."

"It's too late. We've hurt each other too many times, it's just time we call it what it is and move on. My plane is leaving in a few hours and I have a stop to make before I can finally get out of here, so I need to go, but I'll see you back in two weeks. And if you see Derek, and I have a feeling you're going to make a special point to, just tell him I went home." Addison leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Take care, Addison." With that she turned and headed towards the main entrance of the hospital. She was headed home.


	8. Chief Vs Derek

**Thanks for the reviews. I apologize for how long this chapter has taken, school will not cooperate. This is also kind of short, but I still haven't quiet figured out where it should go. It's also slowly moving along, but it will get better, somewhere after this chapter.**

Derek had tried unsuccessfully to find Addison, but it was a big hospital, and there were places to hide if you didn't want to be found. So he did what he did every time he needed to think, he stood in front of the surgery board. He had always found it relaxing to just stand there and stare at the names of the patients, and there procedures, because he was looking at something that he could fix. He planned his day around this board; unfortunately for him he tended to plan his life around it too.

He was deep in thought when his pager went off. Derek glanced at the name, and saw that it was the chief, telling him to come to his office. "There is only one thing this can be about," thought Derek as he headed towards the elevator.

Chief Richard Webber was trying to figure out exactly what to day to Derek, when he heard the knock on his door.

"Chief."

"Derek. Sit down please. Now I want you to listen to me, apparently somebody needs to help you to realize what a self-absorbed ass you've been."

"Now Chief, just a min…."

"I said Listen. Addison came to me this morning, and asked me to let her break contract and go back to New York. I told her I couldn't, not just yet so she took some vacation time instead."

"Has she already left," Derek asked quietly. "I mean, I'm sure she told you why she is leaving, and I'd like to apologize again before she leaves."

"Do you really think an apology is going to cut it, Derek? I mean for Christ's sake this woman traveled clear across the country and got here to see you with another woman, but she still stayed. She then offered YOU a divorce and YOU were the one who didn't want it. You then proceeded to call her names and treat her like last year's garbage, but she still stayed. Were you just punishing her till you could have the big finale and twist the knife in her heart deeper?" The chief went on.

"Now normally I don't like to get too involved in the personal lives of my employees, but ya'll are more like family. When Addison came in here this morning, she was hurting, her heart was breaking. And I know you've felt some of the same type of heart ache; I know why you first left New York, but Derek, if you didn't love her then why didn't you just divorce her?"

"That's just it chief, I do."

"Pardon me," said the chief, trying not to look too stunned.

"I loved my wife, but I thought that I loved Meredith more. But it took last night for me to finally realize what an ass I've been. It wasn't love, it was infatuation. Like Addison told me when she first got to Seattle, Meredith was the Anti-Addison. I didn't have a past with her, I didn't lose a child with her, and if I would have been honest with myself, I would have seen I had no future with her either." "I tried to tell Addison that this morning, and beg her to stay, but she wouldn't, and I can't blame her. I know what I've put her through, and part of it was to punish her, but the other, I guess I was afraid to let myself really love her again."

"If she leaves Seattle for good, I'm never going to be able to get her back, Chief." Derek looked down at his hands with a defeated look upon his face. "If I could take it all back I would. I would have been there for her after Hadley died, and told her it wasn't her fault. I would have been the husband that she needed me to be, and there would have never been an incident with Mark. And I would never have nicknamed her Satan, but I can't go back, I can only make up for it now."

"Derek, I know she still loves you; she's figuring the farther she can get from you it want hurt as bad, similar thinking you had correct?" "She's going to take her vacation and then come back and work out a two weeks, now that ought to give you a little time to figure what the hell your going to do." "I do want you to realize though, there cannot be anymore long dreamy gazes at Meredith Grey if you want your wife back."

"I was once in a very similar situation Derek, I'm sure you know this. I had to choose, and every now and then I think what-if, but then I realize if I hadn't chosen my wife, I wouldn't have the family that I do now, and that makes me realize I made the right choice."

"Chief I appreciate you trying to straighten me out, and I want you to know, I do love my wife, and I'm going to prove that to her one way or another. Also I might need a few days off, depending on…"

The chief just nodded his head in agreement, "Let me know when."

With that Derek stood up and walked out of the office; he was a man on a mission.

Addison pulled her car back in front of the trailer. When she had left this morning she hadn't planned on being back so soon, but she needed to do something. She sat in her car looking at the small box that she had called home for several months. "I can't believe I lived in this thing," she said aloud. "I swear my closet alone, would have swallowed it."

She reached across the seat, grabbed her bag, and pulled out the picture of her daughter. Grabbing it she headed for the trailer. She stepped inside, and placed the picture on the counter. Addison wanted to make sure Derek wouldn't miss it when he came in.

That was one thing that had surprised her most when she saw Derek's trailer the first time, he didn't have a single picture of Hadley on display anywhere. It was like he was trying to erase his whole life in New York, but he couldn't pretend forever. Their child deserved more; she deserved to be remembered.

As much as Derek had hurt her, she still wanted him to have at least one picture of what they used to be. It would be her final gift to him, besides the divorce anyways.

She then did something that she thought she'd never have to do; Addison took off her wedding rings. As she placed them beside the picture, a single tear fell. For the last 11 years the only time they ever came off of her hand was if she were performing a surgery. Even then they were pinned into the pocket of her scrubs; her good luck. It had been such a beautiful hope filled day when Derek, had placed the rings on her finger, but now that was gone, along with everything else except her medicine.

With one parting glance around the place she called home for the last few months, Addison headed to her car. She was headed to New York to start her vacation, but for the first time in 12 years, she would be doing it alone.


End file.
